I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
