Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
