So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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