Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
