Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You pole danced in your parka.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
