He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
