who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
