I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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