this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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