drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So apparently I’m into choking now
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