During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
