Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
