God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
