i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize