oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
third nipple confirmed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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