I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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