Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
