are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm getting married
To pizza
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
