If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
