So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize