I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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