did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
