I need help removing her.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
