I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize