My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
