I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize