he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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