This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
