sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm really busy with my period
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