Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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