I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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