We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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