he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
