1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
