***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
