my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
