I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
