I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
