so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
