none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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