my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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