We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
