"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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