the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
