The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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