I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
