I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize