then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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