ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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