They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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