This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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