when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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