so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to calm my uterus...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
