hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
