pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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