You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
