They should really pass out barf bags in church
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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