i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
