i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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