Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
