ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
