so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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