U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
