i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
