Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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