no. you can't hotbox the world.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
