I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
