just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
