you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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