I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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