I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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