DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
