It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
