its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
