Are we in a gay sports bar?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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