My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
