Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
