kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
