I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
